Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
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yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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