All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
