you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
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well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
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He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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