peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
