Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize