She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
