I feel like I'm in dance class right now
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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