You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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