So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
