"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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