i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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