Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
