but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
