genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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