weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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