I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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