I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
