I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
