I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
