The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
