i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
