so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
