Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
