i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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