We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
please come you make the beer taste better
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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