i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
