I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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