I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
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Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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