redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
