I CAN MOONWALK!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
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I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
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They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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