She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
