How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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