she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
