She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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