I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
