so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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