pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
