Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
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You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
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I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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