I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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