I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
