Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
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Come see our sink grown plant.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
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I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I currently don't understand fingers.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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