She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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