I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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