I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Randomize
