is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
