Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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