I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
