how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
