I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
