you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
