I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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