can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you inspire me to be a worse person
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
