If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
