i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
