If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
