I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
