Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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