I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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