Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
