My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
