I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
