Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
