I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
this beer tastes like vomit already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize